The Eagle/Angel Carpenter<br> Shown Dec. 22, Teresa Cowing (left) and Ashley Daniel work together in the District Attorney's Victim Assistance office.

CANYON CITY – When teens date it can be a fun and exciting time for them, and a way to get to know others of the opposite gender, however, teen dating violence does happen in Grant County.

Staff at the District Attorney’s Victim Assistance office are preparing to set up visits to area schools to discuss healthy dating practices with teens and help them recognize the various forms of abuse.

Last school year they visited Grant Union High School once, Mt. Vernon Middle School twice, Seneca School at least three times and Prairie City School twice, with most of their visits in March.

Mary Ann, whose last name is withheld to protect the safety of her clients, is the director of HEART of Grant County and is a community partner with the Victim Assistance office, team-teaching in the youth training programs. She says that much of teen violence goes unreported.

An important element of dating that she teaches is mutual respect.

“Love is respect,” she said. “Everybody deserves respect.”

Unhealthy relationships may start with “small digs,” noted Teresa Cowing, Victim Assistance intervention specialist.

It could be comments about how the girl looks, what clothing they wear or their makeup, Cowing said. Then it may be keeping tabs on who they talk to and where they go.

“Isolation from friends and family is prevalent,” she added.

Cowing noted that an abusive relationship starts out with verbal and emotional hits, but as a relationship gets more serious, abusive and violent behaviors will escalate.

“Question any controlling behaviors,” Cowing warns.

Some girls may mistakenly think the controlling behaviors are ways the boy is trying to protect her.

She noted that teen dating violence does happen to boys, also.

Ashley Daniel started work as the new Victim Assistance director Dec. 1.

She said texting and instant messaging is another form of control, and a way to intimidate others.

“They can keep a hold of a person 24 hours a day with that,” she said.

Mary Ann noted that saved messages are reportable.

Another point that teens need to take note of is “No means no,” where sexual intimacy is concerned, Kowing said. Teens need to know that forcing sex is a crime, she added.

The power and control may keep the victim in the relationship through manipulating comments like, “I can’t live without you” or “I’m going to kill myself if you leave,” said Mary Ann, or “I won’t ever do it again,” added Cowing.

So what’s a parent to do?

The trio all mentioned the importance of parents maintaining their composure, validating what the teen says and listening nonjudgmentally in the presence of their teen, otherwise the teen may be resistant to opening up, and may continue the relationship secretly.

Another problem: the parent may not know how much control the perpetrator has over their teen.

“If they are going to leave, violence can escalate,” Cowing noted. “There could be stalking going on.”

Cowing said that where there is physical violence “the best bet is to call law enforcement to see if it’s reached a criminal degree.”

Teens can get help by reaching out to someone they trust – a parent, friend or teacher.

Parents and teens may also call Mary Ann at HEART for confidential help. Her office number is 575-4335 and the 24-hour hotline is (541) 620-1342.

Cowing is also available to help, however, because of her position at the DA’s office she is a mandatory reporter. She may be reached at 575-0146.

For preventing dating violence, Mary Ann stressed the importance of parents being good role models for their children and communicating with them.

If it’s your child, “you have to communicate,” said Mary Ann. “You have to keep them safe.”

Daniel mentioned the significance of parents discussing what abuse is with their children while they are young.

“It’s important that parents have an open dialogue with their children,” she said. “If you start talking with your children while they’re younger, they’ll be more comfortable communicating as they age.”